


The Torment of a Soul

by Sodelle



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Depressed Loki (Marvel), Depression, Hope, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Anguish, Poor Loki (Marvel), Psychological Trauma, References to Depression, Self-Doubt, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, searching for hope, supportive Thor, thanos - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-03 16:10:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13344756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sodelle/pseuds/Sodelle
Summary: “He must adhere to regular standards of life, even as he breaks to the point where hope is a distant memory. The fate of everything you know will rest in his hands.”How can you save the world when you don’t know how to save yourself?





	1. What I Never Wanted

**Author's Note:**

> As you can probably tell, this is not a light-hearted or humorous story. Thus, I don’t expect there to be much interest in it, if any. This storyline was on my mind and I felt the need to write a chapter down. I may not finish it—I may not even continue it—but here it is.

“You have strayed too far into your quest for knowledge.”

Odin had been persistent, even dangerously obsessive, to find any and all wisdom that the realms had to offer. Wisdom had proved to be both beautiful and wretched, but either way, he wished to have nothing hidden from him. Even his tenacity, however, could not grant him his wish. He had faced the boundary and tried to push too far. He was confronted by Vor, the All-Knowing.

“What would you gain from knowledge?” She asked him. “Truth comes at the price of a pain that would consume you and tear at your soul until there was nothing left. There would be consequences, and not only for you. You would pay such a price?”

“Anything to see beyond,” Odin replied. Vor looked at him with an unreadable expression.

“So the man who seeks to be the wisest has come to me a fool. Very well. I cannot give you all the knowledge you wish for, but I can impart you with more than any being has ever sought for or found.” She looked deep into his eyes, so alight with young wonder and foolish stubbornness, and continued. “However, there is a price. When you are grown, you will be surrounded by those whom you love and cherish. I shall then set a curse upon one of them as the price for the wisdom I shall grant you.”

Odin stood tall, facing Vor with a confident expression, trying to smother the concern these words brought to him. “And what would this curse do to the bearer?” He asked. Vor smiled sorrowfully.

“The one bestowed with this curse will fight a ravaging battle against unseen enemies, and yet will never be recognized for his bravery and persistence. This soul will feel pain that few have ever known, and yet none will see that he is suffering. He will wish for peace, but he will not find it, because there is no sure outcome to a battle in which you only fight against yourself. Even with such things upon him, he will be expected to manage daily tasks as if nothing troubles him. He must adhere to regular standards of life, even as he breaks to the point where hope is a distant memory. The fate of everything you know will rest in his hands.”

Odin was stunned into silence by the blunt brutality of such a curse. He struggled to grasp the words. Unseen enemies? Unknown pain? Silent suffering? Surely no one deserved such a fate.

“We get what we are given, not what we deserve,” said Vor. Odin felt slightly offended that she had probed into his thoughts, but he decided he should have expected nothing less. So, here he was—granted with what he’d always wanted but given what he’d never wished for. He knew Vor would not let him take back his words or change his request, and Vor knew he would not try to. She sent him back through the portal, accompanied by the knowledge she had promised.

 

Several years later, Vor traveled to the realm of Asgard. Invisible in one of her many forms, she found the palace to be that of Odin—which she had expected; wouldn’t a man with so much knowledge inevitably become king?—and entered the golden rooms. She heard the sounds of laughter and walked through the various rooms of the palace. Near the end of her observations, she sensed the presence of two more souls. Upon investigation, she found two babies sleeping in an elaborate bedchamber. One had golden hair and rosy cheeks, while the other had jet-black hair and pale skin. They looked to be far from related. She approached the dark-haired boy and laid her hand on his forehead. He shifted slightly in his sleep.

“Here is what your father bestowed upon you,” she said softly. “Don’t worry. You will not notice it until later; your early childhood will retain its joy.”

She dissipated in a dull glow of light. Loki slept on, and dreamt of a strange figure chanting words above his cradle. The words seemed to seep into him; seemed to engrave themselves into his very being. He woke up with a start and screamed into the darkness of the room.


	2. I Can Make You Whole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions and comments are absolutely welcome. I think I may have rushed this chapter in relation to the rest of the storyline, so let me know if it can be overlooked or if I should fix it.
> 
> Word of caution: There will be references to self-harm in this chapter.

The early years seemed to fly by in a haze. Thor and Loki were inseparable when the innocence of childhood blinded them from their differences, but they grew to find that they were very different indeed. Thor, destined to rule Asgard, had more significant responsibilities. Loki became “the brother of the heir,” seemingly without much significance of his own. He asked his mother to teach him the ways of magic, if only so he could have a skill that Thor did not.

Odin watched his family’s developments warily, dreading the day when Vor’s curse would take effect. However, his sons grew into their teens, and he failed to notice anything particularly out of the ordinary. There lay his greatest mistake. He searched for something that was outwardly apparent; he never expected what he was searching for to be consciously hidden from him.

Loki had always been quiet and reserved, and yet these aspects of himself began to become more prominent. He lived in the shadow of his brother’s substantial future, and his brother’s charm and confidence. However, it was something he could live with.

Then came the day he discovered that he truly did not belong; the day he learned of his true origin. He was a Frost Giant, a creature feared and despised by all of Asgard, and here he lived in the comforts of the palace. He was not worthy of the love he was shown.

Perhaps, if Loki had known of the curse, he would have seen that he was beginning to feel its effects. But as he knew nothing, he only registered the growing emptiness inside of him as he lost reason to believe himself significant. He lost reason to search for a meaning where meaning was a lie. He lost reason to try to find his place when he was never meant to be.

And then there was Thor. His pompous brother, always trying to drag him along on excursions when all he wanted was to be alone. Often, he was exhausted by the action and the noise of the palace. At times like these, he would travel to the Bifrost. It was nowhere near cheery, but it was quiet, and the chill was soothing to his skin. Kicking icicles was also quite satisfying. He wandered among the scattered, broken edges of ice, and thought to himself that they would make suitable knives on such a violent planet as this. If only knives could carve the pain and the monster out of him, he thought as he fingered a jagged shard.

 

Loki arrived back home one evening just in time for the evening banquet, a celebration to honor past victories that led to the glory of Asgard. The golden sheen of the palace was blinding after a long respite in the Bifrost, and he stumbled from the portal.  
“Why could I not see you?”  
Loki looked up to find Heimdall gazing at him with his usual intensity.  
“What do you mean?” Loki asked.  
“You were hidden from me for some time while you were away, as you often are,” he replied.  
“Am I not entitled to something as simple as privacy?” Loki shot back as he strode from the room.

“Brother!” Thor greeted heartily when he noticed Loki entering the banquet hall. “Glad you came to join us.”  
“Glad to attend yet another of your rowdy calamities. If you manage to break another table, I’m sure you’ll be given a trophy on the spot.”  
“Oh, enough with the attitude. Just enjoy yourself.” Loki pulled out a book.  
Thor sighed, then frowned.  
“What happened to your arm?”  
Loki jerked at the realization that his sleeve had shifted up to reveal his forearm. He pulled it back down.  
“Nothing of importance, brother. Mind your own business.”  
“You’re bleeding.”  
“It was an accident. I was practicing some magic for battle purposes. Why must you treat me like a child?”  
“I only want you to be safe, brother. I mean no disrespect.”  
“Last I checked, no one cared about me in the slightest, so leave me be!” Loki snapped. Thor was startled, as such an outburst of emotion was unusual for his commonly quiet brother, but he did not want to aggravate the matter further. As he tried to find a way to break the current tension between them, his father stood and spoke.  
“A toast to the future king of Asgard,” he boomed. The table erupted into applause as Thor approached the head of the table and accepted another drink.

Loki slunk discreetly from the room. Thor, noticing this, followed.  
“Brother, what is the matter?”  
“Don’t ‘Brother’ me, Thor. You know as well as I do that I don’t belong here. I belong nowhere, don’t you understand that?” Loki turned to face Thor, defiance and pain written on his face.  
“You are my brother, you belong here on Asgard!” Thor thundered. “What is the matter with you? You’re always distant and secretive. Have even I not earned your trust enough for you to tell me what is wrong?”  
“Explain? How can I explain?” Loki spat. “I myself don’t understand. Indeed, such a mighty warrior like you would have no experience with such weaknesses. I am no warrior. I am a coward, I am a fool. I unmask my monsters only to find myself staring back at me. I am ashamed to breathe, for every breath heaves life into this pathetic creature, too weak to fight the wretch I have become. I claw at the air, I fight with the shadows; there is no truth in my pain, and yet it controls everything I am. Explain that, O ‘brother of mine’.” Loki wordered where that spew of emotion had come from, but it felt good. He had probably said too much. He was ashamed of his tears, on the face of the man who never let emotion pierce his pride. There was a stunned silence.  
“Loki,” Thor began, but was at a loss for what to say. He had suspected his brother had been hiding something, but not a world of pain.  
“Leave me be,” Loki said softly, and strode hurriedly from the room.  
“Loki, stop!”

Loki turned to protest but at that moment everything warped around him, swirling in a way he recognized as a forced mental teleportation, and he was suddenly no longer in the halls of the palace, but in the Bifrost. A dark figure loomed in front of him.  
“Who are you?” Loki asked warily.  
“I want to help you,” responded the voice.  
“Who says I need help?”  
“The scars on your arms and legs. The emptiness in your eyes. The void behind your smile. You are a desperate man.”  
“Who are you?” Loki again demanded harshly.  
“I am Thanos, and I can make you whole.”


	3. Shame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Someone stole my iPad, and along with it the chapter for this story, so I had to rewrite it. I don't like the rewritten version as much but it will have to do.
> 
> I'm considering discontinuing this. I don't really like it; I feel like there are already so many fan fictions that are similar and maybe I'm just throwing another leaf into the pile. Writing is just a vent for me.

“Whole.”  
The word echoed in the cavernous expanse of the Bifrost. Loki was still disgruntled at having been abducted so rudely, but something about this stranger made him feel wary. Thanos spoke again.  
“I know you feel as though you have no significance, but I can make that change. Have you ever wanted to rule a world? Watch a species bow down at your feet?”  
“What are you talking about?” Loki said.  
“I’m developing a future in which those of us who once had no voice or significance have a chance to wield power for a change. I think you would be a valuable asset to my vision. What do you think?”  
“I am not a pawn to be played by whosoever thinks I’m weak enough to be manipulated,” Loki snarled. Thanks sighed.  
“Alright. You have two weeks, after which I will return to hear your final decision. Farewell, Loki of Asgard.”

Everything swirled, and Loki found himself confronting Thor once again.  
““Loki?” came Thor’s voice as if from a distance. Loki turned around,  
“You spaced off for a second,” Thor said.  
“A second?” Loki asked. How could it have been only a second?   
“Yes. Now, are you ready to tell me what is wrong?”  
“No, Thor,” Loki said evenly, walking towards his bed chambers. “Nothing is wrong.”  
“You may be the god of mischief but you’re a terrible liar,” Thor replied, following.  
“Please stop hiding,” Thor begged, grabbing his brother’s forearm. Loki hissed in pain involuntarily and tried to yank his arm away, but Thor’s grip was firm. Thor frowned.  
“Brother, are you alright?”  
Loki tried to pull away again, but Thor held strong and began to lift Loki’s sleeve. With a flash of green light, Thor was thrown a few feet back and Loki ran from him, panic and frenzied anger in his eyes.  
“Brother, if you’re hurt, we must know!” Thor growled.  
“Fine. I will show you.”  
Thor rolled his eyes as Loki exposed his arm, free of blemishes.  
“No illusions,” he said. “You should know by now that I can tell when you use magic. Now, no more tricks, or so help me I shall call mother here to deal with you herself.”  
Loki scowled.   
“Show me,” Thor said gently. “Perhaps you are going on your own adventures and excursions, sneaking out at night? That is normal. But please, you truly worry me.”  
“No,” Loki said again.  
He did not quite expect Thor to tackle him. The large blond wrestled him to the ground, subduing him easily.  
“I hate to do this, Loki. Now is your last chance.”  
“Get off me, you brute!” Loki growled. Thor straddled Loki’s small frame, effectively pinning him, and grabbed his arm. Loki cried out and struggled wildly. He did not want Thor to see his scars. They were his secret and his alone; they were his weakness and his shame, and if Thor saw, then he’d likely ridicule him or cast him out.   
Thor found that restraining Loki was like handling an enormous worm. With much difficulty, he renewed his grasp on the thin arm. Loki’s attempts to escape grew more desperate. What if Thor told Odin, or Frigga? What if everyone found out? What if he was seen as a monster?   
Thor forced Loki’s sleeve up until his arm was fully exposed. Loki fell still, overwhelmed with a growing sense of ice cold defeat.  
“Brother, what is this?”  
“I said it was an accident. Get off of me.”  
“I’m not daft. Who did this to you?”  
“No one.”  
“These are clearly intentional cuts and burns. Brother, I ask you again, who did this to you?”  
“I did,” Loki said angrily. He was exhausted and did not feel like explaining nor developing an elaborate excuse. He almost wished the odd Thanos person would call him back, if only so he could get away. For the moment, there was silence.  
“You did this.”  
“Yes, brother, I just said that.”  
“Why?”  
“Thor, I am tired, you are sitting on me, and I need some time alone. I am willing to explain later. Please leave me be.”  
“Why would you hurt yourself?” Thor asked distantly.  
“I’ll be in my chambers.”  
Loki crawled from Thor’s hold and walked away, trying to suppress his shame.


	4. And So it Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I didn’t mean to continue this. Then I checked my account, and I found so many sweet and encouraging comments on this story, and they made me so happy. So happy that I wrote another chapter right away. Thank you all so much, seriously, you guys are awesome :)

Thor headed directly for Odin’s hall. The feast was toning down, and some guests were leaving. Thor knelt by his father, wishing the guests could leave and grant them some privacy.   
“Father, there is something wrong with Loki,” he whispered.  
“When is there not something wrong with Loki?”  
“This is more, father, much more. There’s a tremendous pain in him, and it’s consuming him, yet none seem to know. If he doesn’t find a way to destroy what’s destroying him, he may take a turn for the worst.”  
  
Odin felt as if he was falling into a haze. He and pushed memories of the curse from his mind long ago, as if forgetting about it would somehow make it fade from reality. Yet here it was, staring him in the face, the possibility that his own son had been burdened with the curse. In the end, it was all his fault.

“The party is dismissed,” Odin said wearily. “Bring Loki to me.”  
“I doubt he will comply,” Thor said with a sigh.  
“Tell him I have sent for him.”

The hallway felt unusually long and dark as Thor made his way towards Loki’s chambers. He had hoped to avoid an awkward confrontation until he’d had time to sort through things in his head, but here he was. Loki would likely slam the door in his face.

He was so deeply ruminating on these thoughts that it took him a while to notice that Loki wasn’t in his room. He spun around quickly and headed to the only place he knew he could find answers.

Heimdall greeted Thor respectably but knew something was wrong.  
“Your brother is in the Bifrost,” he said, before Thor even had asked. “He is hidden from me as usual. I proffer that you check on him.”  
“That is what I am here to do.”

 

 

Loki breathed in the icy air of the Bifrost. He was thankful for this place, this expanse of land without people to bother him. He was isolated and unseen, and that was how he liked it.   
  
He threw a piece of jagged ice, mildly amused to watch it shatter on the frozen ground. Someone would be coming to look for him eventually, he mused. He threw another piece of ice. Why would they look for him? It wasn’t as if they cared. He watched the pieces shatter and glimmer as they skidded away. With a sigh, he stood and observed the fresh slashes on his torso. Magic could hide the wounds themselves, but he was a fool not to think of the blood. No matter. He would always find some way to hide it.  
There would be times when he wondered if he should try to stop implementing such a destructive form of relief. In the end, though, he was only hurting himself, was he not? It wasn’t as if the slashes could kill him. They merely were an outlet for his pain.   
One day, though, if he wanted, he could release all of his pain, and never have to bear this wretched mind again. One day. For now, he could manage himself enough. 

He was pulled from his musings by a swirl of light in the corner of his eye. In an instant, he donned his classic warrior outfit, that fabulous one with the bendy horns. It was not an attacker, however. No, it was even worse—to his dismay, he saw his brother stumble out of the portal.   
“Father would like to see you,” Thor said quickly before Loki could make any biting remarks.  
“Thor, you brute, what did you tell him?”  
“I said you were in trouble. Hardly an overstatement.”  
“Can you not shut your mouth about... _touchy_ matters?  
“No. Come, let us not keep father waiting.”  
“He is not my father.”  
“Here we go again. I did not come here to argue, Loki. Just come.”  
Loki saw no point in continuing to resist, so he followed reluctantly, grumbling along the way. It seemed that no one cared about him until they realized they were almost too late.  
  
Odin stared at his adopted son as Loki entered the room. Odin unexpectedly began to feel an overwhelming rush of emotions and panic. His own son, heading the weight of his mistakes. His fault. He didn’t even deserve to look at him. He deserved for Loki to hate him. He deserved all the worst the universe could throw at him, yet here he was, living in luxury.

“Father?” Loki spoke, concerned at the panic and twisted anguish in his father’s face. To his bafflement, Odin began to weep.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so sorry.”

Loki was beyond confused. He opened his mouth to speak, but Odin lifted his eyes and his gaze silenced him.

“Please leave,” he said.   
“Excuse me?”  
“Leave!” Odin shouted.  
He vaguely registered that he shouldn’t have shouted, but the memories had returned. Oh, god, the memories he had blocked for so many years. He had never known love, so he had sacrificed those who loved him, all for what? Knowledge? And yet, with all his knowledge, it took him so long to finally learn to love. He was a wretched man...he deserved a dungeon, not a palace...

Loki silently left the throne room, wondering what he had done wrong.  
Perhaps he would rethink Thanos’s offer after all.

No sooner had he thought this, than he was once again face to face with the creature who called himself Thanos.   
“You considered my request.”  
“Do you probe my brain?”  
“Only when it is necessary.” Thanos smiled. “I grow tired of waiting for you to make up your mind.”  
“It has been less than a day.”  
“Time is relative here.”   
Thanos produced a staff seemingly out of nowhere. It was gold, with a blue orb near the tip cradled by two blades. He pressed the tip to Loki’s chest. Instantly Loki felt as if he had lost all control of his mind; his memories were exposed, his fears surfaced, his thoughts laid out; he felt naked, and it was all so wrong, as Thanos seemed to probe within his mind and twist his brain...  
“GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” Loki shouted, trying to pry away from the hold of the tesseract.   
“Join me, and together, we will build a better world.”  
Thanos lifted the staff. Loki shook his head violently, trying to clear his mind, feeling as if his brain had gone through a blender.  
“Here is your staff.” Thanos gave the staff to Loki. “Here is your world to rule: Earth.”   
“Earth?” Loki said, puzzled.  
“Humans are manipulatable. It’s a good place to start. They are weak and easy to conquer.”  
“I...I don’t want to hurt anyone.”  
Thanos glared with an intensity that caused Loki to step back in alarm.  
“You will come to learn, Loki, that power only comes through _pain_.”

His transformation had begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please feel free to comment, ask questions, criticize, make suggestions, tell me what you had for lunch....


	5. Silenced

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s some kind of glitch that won’t let me put italics after a few paragraphs. I’d delayed from posting this chapter due to the glitch (It would crash my iPad) but in the end I did what I could, so here it is.
> 
> This is quite a disturbing chapter. Just saying. Heck, if you’re actually reading this, you probably get the gist.

Loki, his mind overtaken by the tesseract, struggled to fight its hold on his mind. Thanos gave orders that echoed through his captive thoughts.

 

Your mission is to take over earth.

_Why would I do that?_

Begin in New York.

_As if I—why is it always New York?_

If you fail, you will be punished severely.

 

Loki knew firsthand what punishment at the hands of Thanos would be like. He lost his will to struggle against the intrusion on his mind, and he complied with Thanos’s every order. Prepare the Chitauri. Launch an attack. Go to New York.

 

_Why do they look at me in fear?_

You are their leader. They should fear you.

_What am I doing? Why am I scaring these people?_

They need to be ruled.

_No. Get out of my head._

If you fail, you know what I can do to you.

 _I can’t kill people_.

But you will.

 

And he did. The chitauri invasion killed hundreds, with Loki unwillingly leading them all. He looked down from his viewpoint and the small part of his mind that he had kept filled with sorrow as he saw the hatred-filled eyes of those who looked up at him. Why did they hate him?

 

The Avengers arrived.

They fought his army.

He lost.

He would be punished

Punished

Punished

Consequences

Torture

Suffering

Pain

“Something as sweet...”

 

 

 

He was bound with a muzzle over his mouth. Thanos no longer had need of him—he had failed—so the hold on his mind had begun to ebb away. He wished to tell them, to beg them to believe that he had meant none of it, that he was so, so sorry...

 

“I will take you home,” said Thor. His eyes were filled with disappointment. Loki’s eyes filled with terror. Thanos would come for him once he returned. He would be found, and Thanos would take him away, and he would serve punishment for failing his mission. He could relay nothing of this to the group surrounding him, so he just shut his eyes tightly and shook his head desperately.

“You can’t expect not to be punished for this, brother,” Thor sighed. Loki could feel tears begin to prick at his eyes, and his squeezed them shut tighter. No one would see him cry. He would not cry. He would not cry...

The next thing he knew, bright colors were swimming from behind his closed eyelids, and he knew he was being taken home. In his sheer terror and despair, silent tears began to fall.

 

 

 

 

 

“You will serve an evaluation for your trial,” Odin said, his voice laced with disappointment. Loki kept his head bowed, fuming with anger, wishing he could rip off this wretched mouth guard and give Odin a piece of his mind.

“You will meet with the evaluator. He will decide what kind of trial will take place, and give you an idea of what your punishment will be. He will give you a chance to confess and repent. For your sake, I hope you comply.”

 

Odin led Loki down to the dungeons, into a rather dark and small room lit by a few wall lanterns. A smiling man sat at a stone table and greeted the two as they entered. Something about him disturbed Loki.

 

“Hello. I am Asvaldr, and I will be questioning Loki,” said the man, bowing slightly to Odin.

“He is a criminal, but he is my son,” Odin said gravely. “Treat him with both in mind.”

“I understand,” Asvaldr replied. “I only mean to evaluate. No harm will come to him from me.” He turned to Loki and gestured for him to enter and sit across from him,

Odin smiled wearily, thanked him, and left the dungeons.

 

“Now, Loki,” Asvaldr said. Loki raised an eyebrow. Was this man stupid? His mouthguard was still attached, he couldn’t answer anything. Asvaldr chuckled, all previous charm gone. “Before we begin, let me make something clear. I do not intend to have any...mercy...whatsoever. You are a criminal, Loki, and criminals receive due punishment.” He spoke as if to a young child who had done something wrong.

Loki started at Asvaldr impassively. Was he trying to threaten him? If so, it was blatantly obvious. Loki was determined not to show any outward signs of fear or disconcertment. Asvaldr continued.

“Ah, you’re one of the stoic ones. Most of them think they are. Do you really think that you willpower will matter when you don’t matter anymore?”

Loki uncrossed his arms and gripped the table, leaning forwards with hatred in his eyes, wishing he could spew forth all the angry comments that were churning on tongue. These thoughts were replaced with confusion, however, when Asvaldr’s eyes lit up with amusement. He laughed, cold and mocking.

“Ah, Loki. You really are weak, aren’t you? How many people know?”

Loki continued to frown, not sure what Asvaldr was talking about.

“The marks of a traitor. Mad in the head, you are. Tell me, what did you want, attention? Did you cry?”

Loki instantly made to cross his arms again as he realized that the subject was the wounds and scars on his arms. However, Asvaldr grabbed his arm with unusual strength.

“Poor boy. Daddy didn’t love you enough to know. Did it hurt when you killed hundreds of innocent people?” Asvaldr harshly ran a finger on one of the newer burns, and Loki winced, trying to pull his arm away, but in his weakened state he could not.

“Did it hurt when you lost all your brother’s trust?” He brutally traced a slash with his nail.

“How does it feel to try so hard and to fail so spectacularly?”

Loki snapped. He drew back his arm with impressive speed and lashed out at Asvaldr. The man soon had a bloody nose as Loki unleashed the anger that he could not currently release through his words. The guards were alerted by the noise and crashed into the room, promptly grabbing Loki firmly by the arms to restrain him. Loki bowed his head. There was no justice being done here. The unfairness of it all sickened him. He would be left to rot in a cell with no chance to redeem himself, for no one would know the truth.

He was locked in a dreary cell, handcuffed and shackled from head to toe. The guards mocked him, the once-powerful Loki. He turned away and let his hair fall over his face. He would not let them see his tears. Perhaps it really was all his fault.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (ಥ﹏ಥ)


	7. What Now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH I’M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG
> 
> This chapter is honestly a filler because I have no idea what I’m going to do next with this story. Sorry

Loki fumed.

He sat in his cold jail cell, staring at the wall, wondering how he could possibly have been reduced to a mere prisoner at the hands of the lowly guards he once scoffed at. Yet the tight restraints that bound him also constrained his magic, and so he was doomed to be weak. They had removed the metal tag, likely so that anything he said could be used against him, or however that rule went. 

“I AM LOKI, RIGHTFUL RULER OF JOTENHEIM!” He shouted, his voice hoarse. “THIS IS NO WAY TO TREAT A KING!”

The guard snickered. Loki flushed. No matter. They’d get what they deserved.

The hours passed. Loki picked at his scabs, and wondered when he’d be given food. Or water, for that matter. He was a god, but his weakened form needed sustenance. A guard entered his cell, interrupting his musings.

“Your punishment construes the following: 40 lashes to be delivered on the day of incarceration.” 

Loki had trouble counting, but he was pretty sure there had been far more than 40. 

~

Boredom and depression became cell mates. It had been 3 weeks, and he’d barely been given anything to eat or drink. Guards would kick him and scoff at him. The wounds on his back (they had decided to give him more lashes recently for no reason) were likely infected. He was tied to the point that he couldn’t move and found no comfort from the merciless beatings. He had to escape. Somehow. The only problem was that he had no magic, and therefore could not sneak out in any way. Unless.

His ideas, however, were put to a pause when Asvaldr walked in. 

“Your mother is coming to visit you. She is trying to find a way to reduce your sentence. You will NOT comply with her. You will tell her that she is not your mother and to go away, because you hate her and don’t care about her.”

Loki was taken aback. “And why the Hel would I do that?”  
Asvaldr brandished a shining knife. Loki scoffed.  
“You can’t threaten me with pain.” 

Asvaldr smiled. “Not you, naive boy. I am going to untie your arms now...if you don’t do as I have told you, I will kill your mother, and claim that you stabbed her in a fit of rage. Wouldn’t you like to see the sentence that earns you!”

Loki felt anger bubbling up inside him “You absolute warthog! You can’t do that!”  
“Try me.”

Loki heard footsteps, delicate and precise. His mother’s. Her voice followed as she stepped into his cell.

“Loki? How are you?”

Loki tried to force his face into a convincing snarl but his lip quivered.  
“You are not my mother,” He said. “Don’t treat me like a son.”  
Frigga stared at him. “You have never said this to me.”  
“Well, it’s true. I don’t care what you think. Leave me.”  
“Son—“  
“I’M NOT YOUR SON!” Loki shouted, his voice breaking. “I HATE YOU! LEAVE ME!”  
Frigga stood with tears in her eyes.  
“You may disown me as your mother, but you will always be my son.” She turned and left.

The guard entered the room to gloat. Loki would have none of it. His arms were freed so that there would have been reason to believe he could have stabbed his mother if he hadn’t complied, but that was a grave mistake. Despite his malnourishment, he managed to put all his energy into a kick to the groin. When the guard bent over in pain, he used the forward momentum of the man’s face to sock him in the nose. It was just like in the movies: the keys were on the guy’s belt, and soon he was free. 

Suddenly, he was no longer on Asgard.

Everything was dark.

“So. Captivity not suiting you?”

The voice was Thanos’s. Loki knew it was only an illusion, but he was terrified nonetheless.

“You will never break me again,” Loki snarled. “I am stronger than I was.”

“Watch me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so as I said I’m at a block. How do I break Loki? Any ideas? Or do you not want me to break Loki? Maybe I should stop being a sadist and actually let him be happy for once?
> 
> Nahhhh...


	8. Little Victories

He needed to escape.  
The guard had removed his face guard, warning that if he tried any trickery it would promptly be put back on. “You brought this upon yourself,” he’d said, and proceeded to mock him brutally before getting bored and leaving to somewhere Loki couldn’t see.  
He would not live—or die—in such shame. So he did what he had to do. He wasn’t much of an actor but he could be pretty convincing when it came to using his voice. He curled on the ground and screamed:

“GET HELP! GET HELP!”

The guard came running. Loki screamed as though he was dying. The guard knew he was toast if the prisoner died under his watch. He threw open the prison door. 

“Get....help...” Loki said weakly, then laid his head on the ground and went limp. The guard cursed and knelt next to him to feel for a pulse. Quick as lightning, Loki grabbed the remote that controlled his restraints, and released them all. His power was unrestrained as well, so before the guard had time to exclaim in surprise, he was unconscious on the ground. Loki tried to smirk but his lips just twitched. After snatching the keys, he cast a spell that gave him the appearance of the soldier, and gave the soldier the appearance of him. He propped the new Loki on the bed as if he were sleeping, and stalked out, locking the door behind him. 

On the way out of the dark corridor, he ran into Thor and yelped. 

“Br—Thor! What are you doing here?” He said nervously.

“I’d like to see my brother.”

“W..why?”

“Is it a crime to want to see my family?”

“You still love him after all he has done?”

“I don’t love the things he’s done, but he is my brother—adopted or not—and I will never stop loving him.”

Loki was speechless. He spluttered for a couple of seconds before Thor continued.

“So let me see my brother.” It was a firm demand.

“He...is sleeping, come check in later.”

Thor began to feel suspicious. Loki could tell, and he gulped. “Fine. We will go see him.”:

Loki reluctantly headed back towards that damned cell that he had so recently gotten out of. The guard was still on the bed.

“Loki!” Thor whispered loudly. He barely waited a second before saying louder, “LOKI!”

The guard awoke. He looked disoriented, then he saw Thor outside the bars. He checked at his belt for the keys and noticed that he was no longer a guard but the prisoner he had been tasked with securing. He opened his mouth in rage but Loki sent a silencing spell. 

“I’ve missed you, Loki.”   
The guard looked so outraged that it was amusing to watch. He stood, ran at Thor, and banged on the bars. 

“Let’s go, Thor,” Said the real Loki nervously.

“No. I want to-“

Loki sighed and put a hand to Thor’s head. He fell into a peaceful sleep. The guard kept shaking the bars as he tried to drag his insanely heavy brother from the dark room. Loki shook his head and called back, “You brought this upon yourself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG
> 
> AND IS SO SHORT
> 
> Thank you to anyone who is still putting up with my story, it’s a hot mess


End file.
